Terror among us?

I meant to post something about this a while ago, but I have so many problems. So many. Anyway.

Like many Americans, when the SEALS killed Osama bin laden I thought, what about his evil offspring?? What about OMAR??????? What about the rest of the EVIL?? So I did some research.

Picture evidence #1:










Take away some of the rebellious, Middle Eastern, Islam-friendly, hip hop look, add some weak acting, and....



Picture evidence #2:







Wait, Mr. left wing, Constitution-loving, cock-ring-wearing, FBI agent, did we lose touch with Chris Moltisanti for a period of time after the Sopranos? Even A FUCKING BRIEF PERIOD OF TIME?? Did we Mr. G-Man?? Sean Connery wants to know if you bring baba ganoush to a fucking falafel fight??



Picture evidence #3:





Methinks, yes.







Did he try to fool us in the episode where he got made? Yes, America, yes...

Picture evidence #4:









But did he sit on and kill Adrianna's dog in a heroin binge just for fun?

Picture evidence #5:










Once again. Unequivocally, yes.












So where do we stand? I don't know America. Omar Moltisanti just poured you a shot. Where do you stand?

More of a PSA than a post

I saw this on the interwebs recently from Miss Lohan.
















Remind anyone else of other washed up former superstars?
















Don't do drugs, girls. Unless you live by me. Or you want to get Ram Jammed. In which case, if you are interested in getting Ram Jammed, just show up at Uno Pizza on double dish / double tequila night.

Cue NBC's "The More You Know" music.

Some day Weird Al and I will cut an album

It's been a while, but once again I've been inspired by song. This one goes out to my pal who invented this song title, and to John Mayer for when he was hitting off Jessica Simpson during the six months of the year she was bingeing.


I drank all afternoon
You eat entrees for two
One thing they'll never do
is discover me
discovering you



One mile to every inch of
Your skin like rubbermaid
One head like a corrugated lid and
Your beef jerky tongue

'Cause if you want love
I'll fake it
Your skin flaps
Like blankets
Take all the bed supports
And break 'em
Maybe I'm a pudge-o-phile?









Her body was a garbage can
Her body was a garbage (cut off my hands)
Her body was a garbage can




Something 'bout the way I only f*ck her face.
The dress she wore, well it looks just like a pillowcase
God bless the blackouts bro
Though I might wake to find it
I'll never let the door hit her ass
Without my hand behind it


Her body was a garbage can
Her body was a garbage (without a tan)
Her body was a garbage can

Damn baby
Please castrate me
I know you're mine all mine all mine
But you can't believe it's not butter all the time


Fatty fat fatty fat fat fat
Fatty fat cer-tain-ly not real slim
Her body was a garbage can
Her body was a garbage (she ate my hand)
Her body was a garbage can
Her body was a garbage can

I'm back... maybe

Please excuse my absence, I have been in the bathroom. A few things that brought me out of hiding:


In 'the bright side of civil unrest' news, I have agreed to accept a position in the new Egyptian cabinet as the minister of Funk.




When asked his occupation upon checking into rehab, Charlie Sheen said, "Well I'm an actor, but I really want to die-wrecked."









Betty White apparently won a SAG award tonight. Had no idea they had a breast catgory. This recent resurgence for the Golden Girl is pissing me off. No one was celebrating her when I was hitting that ten years ago...














The NFL Pro Bowl is like an all star porn cast got together for an orgy and then everybody stands around jerking off while Bill Belichick secretly films and grimaces.