7:25 --
- Got rid of that bitch Sage Steele- check.
- Hair lookin' all Shoop Salt and Peppary - check.
- Voice of a pubescent boy - check.
- Jalen Risnignose taught me some new hood slang - check. I'm ready!
7:30 --Right off the bat this no talent Bristol prick lists JizzaJay Bilas and Jalen's bball credentials, yet does not mention my College of the Holy Cross intramural championships. Or straight up dominating the Grantland staff in pickup. It's like Sage Ewing Theory 2.0
7:31 -- When should I say "Whoa." That killed last year.
7:31 --Why didn't Jay-lizzy say we were doing brown with plaid and red outfits tonight? Must be a Blood thing. Not saying there's a history there. Conspiracy theory/backburner/podcast idea/bloodsfolife.
7:35 --Seeing Cleveland fans stuck in a bad marriage with management's poor decisions is like seeing my buddy J-Bug stuck in his loveless marriage and banging strippers on our Vegas boys' weekends. Nailed it.
7:36 -- Adam Silver is a charisma machine. Like Charisma Carpenter maybe?? Bet Bilas never even heard of Charisma Carpenter. She's got upside and a motor. Man, I am on fire tonight. Need to talk more. Grrr.
7:37 -- This electro shock thing I set up to Rece Davis' chair is not working. Where's the fucking producer?
7:37:30 -- Jalen using MY "fifty cents on dollar" trade value schtick. Et tu Rozay???
7:38 -- Cleveland has been officially off the clock for 30 seconds - I noticed that. Hey Belichick, need a clock management guy? I can do it.
7:47--Andrew Wiggins jacket pattern looks like the map of Hawaii that my buddy House put on the rump (not ass, okay Disney?) of a hooker back in Vegas in 1998.... no, no, got to dial it back, Billy. It's ESPN. Save it for Grantland.
7:48-- What did my agent say - shake your head and nod a lot during group shots when Feces Pieces is talking? Nailed it. Take that, Bilas.
7:50 -- I'm a tradition guy - but why the fuck are they interviewing the players? (Tries to electroshock Rece). I got jokes over here.
7:51-- I'm not an advanced stat guy - but I have to lead this ESPN studio team in audible agreements with other people's points and "can I interject?'s. Off the charts.
7:53-- Fuck, I just used, like, my sixth best TMZ joke and I went early. Kinda like House did on that hooker in Vegas '99... ok, I'm back. I'm back.
7:56-- Joel Embiid was born in Cameroon and achieved success in America... I was born in Connecticut and have achieved success on the internet. Do I use this??? Hold it. Hold it for a podcast. Jacoby will eat that up.
8:01-- Fuckin Bilas talking about athleticism like it's his "job." We get that you were an athlete. What do you know about VH1's I Love The '90s?
7:50 -- I'm a tradition guy - but why the fuck are they interviewing the players? (Tries to electroshock Rece). I got jokes over here.
7:51-- I'm not an advanced stat guy - but I have to lead this ESPN studio team in audible agreements with other people's points and "can I interject?'s. Off the charts.
7:53-- Fuck, I just used, like, my sixth best TMZ joke and I went early. Kinda like House did on that hooker in Vegas '99... ok, I'm back. I'm back.
7:56-- Joel Embiid was born in Cameroon and achieved success in America... I was born in Connecticut and have achieved success on the internet. Do I use this??? Hold it. Hold it for a podcast. Jacoby will eat that up.
8:01-- Fuckin Bilas talking about athleticism like it's his "job." We get that you were an athlete. What do you know about VH1's I Love The '90s?
8:37 -- Did Bilas just make an afro/hairdo joke about 76ers pick Elfrid Payton? Are those jokes not exclusive to my contract? Is Dolla Dolla Bilas in my head? Nah, nailed it with "can't get the hat on." Simbo is back in the center of arena. ARE YOU NOT AMUSED????
8:45-- Reese Witherspoon Davis' announcing skills are similar to his namesake' s sham marriage to Ryan Phillipe... nah, hold that one.
8:50 -- How the holy fuck does Recently Fired From Countdown Davis not go to me first when unathletic white guy Doug McDermott gets drafted??? That is my niche, nicha. Ask Jalen during commercial if I can say nicha.
8:50 - 9:00 - I'm not talking on purpose. Not telling anybody about it either. Stew Scott on that one, Bristol.
9:01 --Me and Jalen Every Rose Has Its Thorn are gonna get drunk and pee on Rece's hotel room door later. #marriottpointseasilyerasesthatshitImeanpiss
901 - What if I start talking before Reeces Feces even asks anyone a question? Boom: roasted.
9:02 - I spent a semester abroad and watch the shit out of YouTube clips for international prospects. Who is this Italian? New catch phrase = "Triple F": Fuck Fran Fraschilla; May have some wrestling crossover there. Work on that one too. Podcast city. Also, "podcast city" has legs. That's mine.
9:05 - How happy is Counterfeit Dolla Dolla Bilas' marriage? Can I pull some Tony Parker shit and set his wife up with poor JBug, the Cleveland Cavaliers fan of husbands. Good idea/backburner that shit/podcast/ruin Bilas.
9:02 - I spent a semester abroad and watch the shit out of YouTube clips for international prospects. Who is this Italian? New catch phrase = "Triple F": Fuck Fran Fraschilla; May have some wrestling crossover there. Work on that one too. Podcast city. Also, "podcast city" has legs. That's mine.
9:05 - How happy is Counterfeit Dolla Dolla Bilas' marriage? Can I pull some Tony Parker shit and set his wife up with poor JBug, the Cleveland Cavaliers fan of husbands. Good idea/backburner that shit/podcast/ruin Bilas.
9:07 - Who agreed to this live blog? Brain signing off.
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