Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of the holiday, I am listing things I am thankful for this year:

Franchise is thankful he has been cast for another 5 episode arc on the Fox show COPS, as well as guest spots on A&E's Intervention and as the wacky-neighbor-with-a-video-camera on MTV's Cribs - Teen edition.




Franchise is thankful for a holiday that has no religious affiliation whatsoever, and centers around eating, drinking heavily and puking (this applies for your bulimic date to the family dinner, anyway).



Franchise is thankful for every time Tyra Banks decides to get dressed up in a disguise on her show. Highest of comedy.











Franchise will be thankful for the day when he has a child and he can give up sensless partying as his sole pursuit, and begin to teach that child to party with no regard for others' well-being or safety.







Franchise is thankful that, even in death, The Great Gloved One left us with an answer to the universal healthcare problem.







Franchise is thankful for his tremendous fantasy football team --
Name: ThePussyWhisperer, Tagline: I am the Dr. Doolittle of the clitasaurus






Franchise is thankful for his annual Family vs. Goldfinger's Gentleman's Club: Backyard Two-Hand-Grope-Not-Touch Football Game. Everyone is a winner in this battle.








Franchise is thankful for the Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Peyton Manning float.








Franchise is thankful for the recession and being poor, because he had way too much blood and sperm lying around his body. Selling them makes so much more sense.






Franchise is thankful for cranberry sauce in the shape of a can, and all the finely shapen cans of the world.




Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Franchise is also thankful for his 7 loyal fans!

College Football News - ND's Charlie Weis off Hot Seat; Seat is thankful

South Bend, IN -- Charlie Weis, head football coach of the University of Notre Dame, is putting the 'suck' back in to succumbing to pressure and leaving the school after a 35-24 record since 2005. Commenting on the end of his tenure at the former national powerhouse, Weis declared, "Fuck it, I have a system. And I got a new deal in place already". Weis went on to say that he has signed a "full-figured" deal with Abercrombie & Fitch to be photographed in their famed catalogues and inspire the new fragrance, "Paunch". When contacted, Weis' publicist said, "I think his modeling book speaks for itself."

Late night television is on acid

Wanda Sykes and George Lopez both have late night shows. Hmmm, what the fuck? Neither one of these people is remotely funny. Lopez at least had that shitty knock-off Latino version of Everybody Loves Reymano, but that sucked too. It's on Nick at Nite for god's sake. Wanda Sykes' appearances made Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm even more uncomfortable for the viewer than most normal episodes . Is there a highly-coveted black lesbian demographic (the chicks who like unattractive chicks, not the lipstick Cinemax ones)? Is this why ABC stuck with Star Jones on The View??

Franchise continues to be an undiscovered diamond in your muff. For christ's sake, shave that thing if diamonds are lurking.

UPDATE: Lopez is reportedly upset that despite having millions of Latino viewers, they all live together in 15-18 households and this seems to negatively impact his Nielsen ratings.

Movie Review

I rarely do this, but go see this new movie, Precious. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2362780/precious_movie_theaters_start_showing.html

Oprah has transformed herself for the role!!!*** She seems so vulnerable.



*** Editor's Note. This may have been Mariah Carey transforming herself for the role. But the performance is rumored to be so good that the Academy cannot tell if the chick in the above picture is Oprah or Mariah. If only Ol' Dirty Bastard, who is of course the only man to have slept with both of these women, was still alive.