Just in time for holiday shopping!

6 days until Christmas. In case you are a loser or were recently lobotomized, and you are planning on buying one of these, Franchise will now rate the celebrity-endorsed fragrances. I give a score on a 10 rating scale for each. Shop wisely.

Kim Kardashian's "Dashing" - smells like baba ganoush and Ray J's dick. 6








Michael Jordan's "Jordan 23" - smells like self-involvement, hubris, and casino chips. 5


Derek Jeter's "Driven" - smells like Derek's dick and your girl's musk. 8







Kate Moss' "Kate" - smells like post-meal vomit, cocaine and Pete Doherty. Yuck. 2









David Beckham's "Instinct" - smells like a guy who has been juggling balls all of his life. 4


Britney Spears' "Curious" - smells like a double-wide trailer and crystal meth; does not smell like underwear or morals. 6






Jessica Simpson's "Fancy, Fancy Love" - smells like the opposite of that 'new car smell', more like a new car that had been driven by twenty smelly guys in the last year. 8






Michael Jackson's "Mystique de Michael Jackson" - smells like camels, formaldehyde, and feety pajamas. -8








Halle Berry's "Halle" - smells like roses, and a vigorous and entertaining loss of one's virginity. 10