Europe is a great country - a pictorial review

I recently arrived back from a European tour. I learned that Europe is a great country filled with many angry people who speak a variety of languages. More specifically, I think I learned a lesson in each state that we visited.


Dublin - This was one of my favorite cities for a few reasons. They speak a lovely form of broken English. The 'Irish' as I call them, have great expressions such as "good crack" and "on the piss", and there are very little sights so you can't even feel bad about drinking all of the time. If you find yourself in Dublin, take advantage of the pub crawls. This is a great opportunity to introduce new American hook up moves such as: 'the 3-finger face caress' on the dance floor followed by the public makeout session with your pub crawl guide. (See picture below) If you have the means, I highly recommend it.






















Berlin - No English here. Lots of angry people. Apparently they get angrier when Americans get drunk and yell, "Shizer! Haagen-Dazs! Ich bin ein Berliner!!!" repeatedly in their silly German faces. On a historical front, we got photos of the Berlin Wall, Hitler's burial bunker, and these boobs. (See picture below).

The Germans also invented the word heinie - here I am pictured learning how to pronounce it.

Italy - This is really the New Jersey of Europe in my opinion. Sure, there's some stuff to see, but who really likes art? Art is very subjective so I feel confident in voicing my opinion that it all sucks.

Two points of note from Italy: 1) clearly I am descended from the family of The David. 2) Potential fathers out there - never let your daughters study abroad in Italy. They all go there to bang scuzzy Italian guys!!! I am revealing this great secret in the hopes that I can protect our American women. I am not talking about normal Italian guys (if they exist), but fauxhawk-having, tight white jean-wearing, American-impregnating Italians. They swarm on the international students like they're drenched in marinara sauce. It is disgusting. You have been warned.

Greece - We went to Corfu and frankly I don't remember much. There was some sand and alot of rocks, a booze cruise with a captain who kept touching my back and encouraging the girls to show him their "baginas!", and lots of booze. I think I could have gotten alot of action, but I decided to try to fight and pee on most of the resort instead. Maybe I will be back some day to finish the job, pee on every bed and beat up all the stupid Canadians who were vacationing here. Lesson as always is, you cannot escape our neighbors to the North so we must go to war with them. Oh yeah, Athens either has lots of stray dogs that follow you around everywhere, or very ugly and outgoing women.

There were other stops after that but I was really tired, and it was hard to see with this on my face.