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More Music Trivia

This just in: Thelma Houston's 1977 #1 disco hit was actually written by a 13 year old boy in Topeka, KS, who was terminally ill with blue balls, for his girlfriend of three weeks. When asked for comment, Milli said "he wished he wrote it for Vanilli before he died". Happy Friday.

The Easter Vigil - A Bettor's Guide

As we approach the Easter weekend, Franchise acknowledges that this is a solemn time for prayer and family. But, do not forget the fact that there is money to be made in the huge Easter betting business. Here is a handy guide to handicapping the field (odds in parentheses).


Jesus Christ -- Simply put, the Tiger Woods of Easter. A good pick against the field. Even when the lots have been drawn and the chips are down, you cannot rule out an unexpected resurgence. ( 1:2 odds)

Mary Magdalene -- Word on the street is, she loves action. (7:1 odds)

Barabbas -- Potential Cinderella story. Don't rule out this crowd favorite stealing the show from better-known adversaries. Won a controversial split-decision over JC last year. (12:1 odds)



Judas -- Best analogy is that Judas is the "Duke Basketball" of the Easter Vigil. We will also accept "Duke Lacrosse". Total scumbag and will stop at nothing to win. Announcers often refer to Judas as "scrappy". (5:1 odds)



Peter -- If you take this perennial loser, make sure you deny it to your friends. (20:1 odds)




Joseph -- A lot of hype, but has never delivered in the clutch. Was not even present for his wife's big game with God. (9:1 odds)



Pontius Pilate -- Power player in the post-up game. Pontius "The Persecutor" Pilate is a punitive force to be reckoned with every year, although little is known about his methods behind the scenes. Think John Calipari, but don't think too much. (5:2 odds)

Have a blessed weekend. Pray and wager wisely.

Your guide to Opening Day 2009

Looming questions as the baseball season begins...

• Will it be less surprising when 'Joba-the-Hick' Chamberlain gets a second DUI http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4032927 this year, or when he blows out his arm wrestling a bear in a Nebraska bar promotion?

• Can you imagine if Harold Reynolds were still with ESPN's Baseball Tonight and he tried to inappropriately hug their new hire, Dave Winfield?

• I haven't played baseball since Little League, but I was a pitcher back then. If I start long tossing and maybe buy a jersey, can I expect to get to 5th base with Alyssa Milano? http://www.nbcnewyork.com/sports/baseball/Alyssa-Milanos-Big-Book-of-Baseball.html
  

• Did Kobe hook A-Rod up with some phone numbers for chicks as he rehabs in Colorado? If so, can we expect a rape trial and a suspension to add to A-Rod's time off the field this year?
  
  
  

• Is there any way we can get Daryl Strawberry to do some work with Josh Hamilton? He seemed to have lost his focus and stamina at the end of last year. Daryl may have something for that.

• How the fuck has no one signed Kenny Powers, even when he got his pitch back?
  
  

• Is Dustin Pedroia the geekiest-looking reigning AL MVP since 1965's Zoilo Versalles?
  

Baseball is back and so is the Giambino backhanded compliment

Real quote from Espn.com --http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/preview09/columns/story?columnist=kurkjian_tim&id=4018271

Giambi agreed, saying [recently signed A's OF Matt] Holliday "is ridiculously strong. He is unbelievable. The balls he hits, and the weight he throws around in the weight room is amazing. And he's ever better now after working with Mark [McGwire] this winter. He's shorter to the ball. There's no telling what he's capable of here."

Giambi went on to say that he thinks Holliday invested his new contract with Bernie Madoff and expects huge returns. "Matt also just ordered a big shipment of Maxoderm http://www.maxoderm.com/ppc/?microppcsite=google&microppcterm=maxoderm

and he thinks he will really begin pleasing his girlfriend soon."

Embracing new technology

I fought Facebook for a long time, but eventually I gave in. Now it is time to get in front of the newest trend. The Franchise has started Twatter. My current status = "Did you see that blonde twat steal my cab??" They will follow me. They will all follow me...