Product Endorsement

I don't usually do this without being paid, but I really like my new iPhone. It is so handy.

If you want to have a dead hooker removed from your parents' basement - there's an app for that.

If the bitch won't put the lotion in the basket - there's an app for that.

You have weird bumps on your genitals - there's an app for that.

If you just accidentally shot an undercover cop - there's an app for that.

If you come out of a blackout and realize you've stolen a helicopter specifically to head up to Hunt's Point but you left your wallet at your apartment and you seem to have a dart in your neck - well, there's actually no app for that. Great phone though.