My agent said I should do this to attract the more sophisticated, artsy crowd to the site... "The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature." Here is the Proust Questionnaire as answered by Franchise.
1.What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Jammin with Toto on the musical continent of Africa.
2.What is your greatest fear?
Our national obsession with consumption will create a global shortage of Miller High Life cans and whores.
3.What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Caving to confessions under duress from police brutality.
4.What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Testimony
5.Which living person do you most admire?
Scott Baio
6.What is your greatest extravagance?
Occasionally I will give in and buy an expensive cashmere sweater, and then choke a hooker with it.
7.What is your current state of mind?
Deranged and inebriated.
8.What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Female mouth virginity
9.On what occasion do you lie?
Special occasions and Proust Questionnaires
10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?
When I cannot see it.
11.Which living person do you most despise?
Seal, I want to hate him with his weird facial scarring and Heidi Klum-fucking, but his voice is like a Kiss From a Rose to my ears.
12.What is the quality you most like in a man?
Hero worship
13.What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Knowing that it is always time to shut up.
14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“PUT THE FUCKIN LOTION IN THE BASKET”
15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Partying.
16.When and where were you happiest?
Summer campouts with my Dad inside Kendra Wilkinson's vagina.
17.Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to know when a chick is on the rag.
18.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My record
19.What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My record
20.If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Die and come back? A zombie. Duh.
21.Where would you most like to live?
On a boat.
22.What is your most treasured possession?
My date knife.
23.What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
When I have to get my own drink.
24.What is your favorite occupation?
Tons of respect for the peep show jiz moppa.
25.What is your most marked characteristic?
Much like Good Will Hunting's ability to quickly understand organic chemistry, sometimes I can just look at a party and party.
26.What do you most value in your friends?
Forgiveness and clicking on blog ads.
27.Who are your favorite writers?
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Franchise
28.Who is your hero of fiction?
Dirk Diggler
29.Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Kenny Loggins
30.Who are your heroes in real life?
The hard-working, courageous single mothers that I have abandoned to raise children on their own. God bless you all.
31.What are your favorite names?
Barbi, Lacey, Savannah, Sierra, Nikki, Lexxxie, Crystal, Portia, and Chuck.
32.What is it that you most dislike?
Stupid questions and condoms
33.What is your greatest regret?
Regrets, like thongs, are best left to the pussies of the world.
34.How would you like to die?
Fuck you, take your best shot.
35.What is your motto?
"Pork hard, play hard."
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3 comments:
Are you aware of some of the ads that show up on this site? "Teaching Moral Values" I think it makes sense.
Little Caesar's also comes up... what do you think of that??
this is possibly my greatest post. And this is definitely the greatest website ever.
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