Ok, I have seen one episode of this new MTV show
The Jersey Shore and I am like an Arkansan after their first hit of meth, or first viewing of their mom in the shower - hopelessly addicted. All I am prepared to do right now is go through the cast one by one... and rank their chances of contracting herpes by season's end. I give you the MTV description in quotes and then my take on the cast member, along with herpes odds.
Angelina
22 - Staten Island, NY
"If Angelina has something on her mind, it'll be out of her mouth before you know it. She always has something to say and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. The question is, how long will her housemates put up with it?... Read More »"
If Angelina has something in her mouth, it will be out of her mind before she knows it. I don't remember much about this chick from the show, so therefore --
12:1 Jenni "J-WOWW"
23 - Franklin Square, NY
"When Jenni walks into a bar, the guys yell "J-WOWW!" She may have a boyfriend, but down at the Jersey Shore all bets are off. Impulsive and spontaneous, Jenni is a party girl with zero self control. Wherever she goes,... Read More » "
This was the chick who introduced herself by her nickname. She also has an endorsement deal with K-Y and a standing AZT prescription at every Rite-Aid in the tri-state area. Since she has a boyfriend and will most likely gulp down any STD's he acquires during the summer, that increases her odds to --
7:2 
Mike "The Situation"
27 - Staten Island, NY
"Mike may have a sensitive side, but he has plenty of game to go with it. He knows what he wants from his summer at the Jersey Shore and is not going to let anything stop him from getting it--even his roommates. The way he... Read More »"
This guy is the man. It's definitely normal to weigh over 200 lbs and have an 8 pack. Certainly no chemicals involved there... He is also a pussy and holds hands with whores on the boardwalk. This decreases his odds, but only slightly. Also, I am now going to refer to my gut as "The Conundrum" --
1:2 
Nicole "Snooki"
21 - Marlboro, NY
"Nicole is looking to meet the man of her dreams. When she goes to the gym, she goes in full makeup, hoping to make a splash with all the toned men. Her height has been as much of a strength as it has been an obstacle, and it... Read More » "
A slut. A tremendous slut. The Knicks have cleared cap room in 2010 just because of her proclivity for reverse jams --
3:1DJ Pauly D
28 - Johnston, RI
"Pauly D is Rhode Island's most well known DJ and keeps a tanning bed in his house. He orders gel by the case and does his hair twice a day--once in the morning and once before hitting the town. For Pauly D, cleanliness is close... Read More »"
Wait, this guy is a dj? Does he play a lot of Snow and Dominic the Donkey? Nice hair. Sonic the Hedgehog called, he said you will probably get herpes soon --
1:6Ben
37 - Cambridge, MA
"Ben might find himself in a brawl or two, but he is a lover who just wants to have a good time. He comes into the house with one rule: Don't fall in love at the Jersey Shore. He also has a best friend named Matt and he is an aspiring actor. But as the summer goes on, he finds rules are meant... Read More »"
This seems like a good opportunity for Ben. I hope it works out.
2:1Sammi "Sweetheart"
22 - Hazlet, NJ
"Sammi has been a serial dater all her life, but she's now single and loves every minute of it. Her friends call her a sweetheart, but when it comes to guys she is a heartbreaker. Just ask Mike and Ronnie."
Just ask Mike and Ronnie? Wait, is MTV saying this girl gets double-teamed in her freakin bio?? --
2:9 (I have run out of normal odds)Vinny
21 - Staten Island, NY
"Vinny is a self-confessed mama's boy and natural entertainer. He knows how to get a laugh from everyone he meets. Having just turned 21, Vinny has been waiting for this summer his whole life and is ready for a wild time... Read More »"
Nice eyebrows, you jerkoff. You look like you have two gay caterpillars trying to go shopping with your eyes. I am tired. This guy probably already has herpes.
1:10
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