Helpful Franchise

Once again, I have been out of the loop. What have I been doing? I have been partying. So I thought I would help you out with Franchise's "Partying Tips". Play by these rules and you will live a short, but exciting life.


If you are going to stick yo dick in da mashed potatoes, you should try just a nipple first to gauge temperature.









If you look around the room and you can't see anyone else partying, then you are the party. Congratulations, I will meet you at Rehab.




If you're doing some fucking partying with family it is ok. If you're doing some fucking and some partying with family, then you really need some help, Mackenzie.







If you puke and no one notices, it's like a tree falling in the forest when no one is around. Except there is puke on the floor instead of branches. Throw napkins on the puke and engage a nerd in deep philosophical conversation. Walk away and tell others that "Johnny Philosopher" just puked.





If you get a "not so fresh feeling" from partying, you may have peed your pants a little. Address the problem and move on.




If no bars are open, I've found that there are always lots of fun people still awake in jail, and you can get a free ride there!




















If someone is filming you, keep in mind that your kids could see this one day - so for god's sake, fluff!





If you are going to do drugs, the rule of thumb is pass to your left and give Franchise two of whatever you have, plus all of the money in your wallet. That oughta teach you to do drugs.




If you are going to drink and drive, make sure you have a good reason - like, "driving is my passion", or "the open road is my canvas, art shall not be denied".







If you meet someone whom you like while partying, let them know! Casually drop them a copy of the aforementioned video of your fluffed package and let the sparks fly.





If you party too hard and pass out early, expect to be written on in marker or have your limbs dismembered at the joints. Depending of course, on whether it was a fraternity or Russian mafia party.
















If you want to express your affection for a young lady, do not send her a message that says "I want to party in your mouth". Subtle trickery is the key, send "My friend wants to party in your mouth."