Getting by in tough economic times

It's ugly out there. We all know it. But people keep turning to me for advice - 'Franchise, how can I make ends meet in this recession?' Well, here are some tips I have learned over the years on how to cut down on spending, and live on a budget.

• Stop eating out at restaurants so much. Once a week, I simply go to the grocery store wearing a long overcoat and I pack as many of the necessities into the inside pockets as possible. The real trick is to pay for one expensive item such as "pesto sauce", when you are checking out. The savings of not eating out really add up.


• Cut social drinking out of your budget. You can get just as wrecked with a 6 dollar pint of whiskey, alone in your dark living room.


• Ease down on the sports gambling. It is imperative to only play winners during a depression.


• Change your name. This will buy you time with creditors, and former family members. If you feel ambitious go with 'Jay Gatsby'.


• Frivolous spending will not be tolerated. One pro is enough for now. The salad days of two or three at a time are on hiatus. Look for specials on girls emigrating from countries whose economies have already imploded, such as Iceland.


• Also, don't buy silly things you can't spell without looking up, such as prophylactics.


• Recreational drugs remain an absolute staple. This is not a third world country yet.

God bless and good luck.