Odds Are You've Never Heard of Some of These People -- Celeb Apprentice Bettor's Guide

I must caveat this with the fact that I have never seen this show before. I did see some of the original Apprentice, and I think I know enough about most of these people to give you proper odds and guide your wagering. There are also some other incredibly unfamous people who I left off because they are really more suited to The Surreal Life rather than network TV.... Here you go, the "celeb" bio quote is in bold, and Franchise-endorsed odds come at the end. Happy betting!




Darryl Strawberry "I'm Mr. New York, people in New York love me. They got my back on this."
New York does have your back Darryl, but unless there's a freebasing challenge I don't see you hitting this one out the park. More likely, is that Darryl will be transferred straight from the boardroom to VH1's Celebrity Rehab by midseason. -- 20:1









Sharon Osbourne "I don't play well with other women, and I can be the nastiest bitch in the world."
This nasty bitch gets points for truth in her bio quote (although strangely, she also seems to be ruling out F/M/F threesomes - poor Ozzie). Now I hate Sharon and her rat offspring as much as the next guy, but Omarosa taught us that the Apprentice will reward foul-mouthed, evil broads with huge egos. So Sharon gets -- 7:1 and those go down if there are any Prince of Darkness cameos.














Cyndi Lauper "I'm not above doing whatever it takes"
Making a veiled reference to blowing The Donald in your bio quote is a good start to winning this show. However, Cyndi's grating voice and white hair will wear the judges out, time after time. Odds would be lower if she still had Captain Lou Albano in her corner threatening to shoot the judges with the rubber bands from his beard -- 30:1







Sinbad "You go in there, you survive, you fight like a pit bull."
Umm yeah Sinbad, except at this point in your career you are more like one of Mike Vick's pit bulls after a losing streak. If he still had his haircut from A Different World, the odds would be more in his favor. I am shocked that NBC was able to pull him away from his regular gig as the clown who pulls contestants off the stage at The Apollo. -- 45:1














Bret Michaels "If you're going to freak out, have a rock star freak out."
Penchant for bimbos, bad fake hair, and comes across as an egotistical moron -- Bret and the Donald will be two peas in a pod. Loses some points because he will probably be disqualified for slaying Trump's daughter by Episode 3. Nice pic: hook 'em horny, Bret -- 4:1








Carol Leifer "I am the ultimate carnival barker."
Yes, yes you are. Carol is also known as the Ultimate Dog-Faced Lady, according to me. She is not famous and she is hideous. Bad combo -- 150:1















Rod Blagojevich "There's a cloud that sort of travels along with me."
Ya think so, doctor? It's a little early for this scumbag to be trying to climb back into the public realm. Next thing you know, Elliot Spitzer will try to re-enter politics... Again, the sweet hairstyle and being a lying, cheating jackass has to sway some points with The Donald. 20:1








Summer Sanders "I feel like I am the person I am today because I played sports."
Hey Summer, you're about as famous as Carol Fuckin' Leifer. I think she used to be on NBC at some point though, so you get better odds for the network taking care of its own -- 100:1











Holly Robinson Peete "I fund raise morning, noon and night for families with autism. I call it creative begging."
We're talking about Officer Judy Hoffs here. Not only did this chick go undercover in some of the baddest suburban high schools in America, she also sang the theme song to 21 Jumpstreet. Hey Sharon Osborne - Ya betta be ready when we meet ya after schoool. Jump, down on Jump Streeeeet! Throw in former shitty NFL QB Rodney Peete giving her advice from the sidelines, and Holly has to be my favorite -- 3:1