Welcome 2010

Yup, I guess it is indeed 2010. Another year, another beer. I missed the opportunity to get in on the Top of the Decade lists that were popular amongst the blog set... so, I figured I would give you this --

Franchise's Top 10 Inappropriately Skinny / Young / Dead Chicks That I Would Like To Bang (Whilst They Were Alive or Of Legal Consenting Age, Of Course), and Maybe Even Bang Twice List

10) Brittany Murphy (circa 2001; i.e. pre-dead and post-being nasty in Clueless) -- Very hot at one point? check; Banked over 10 mil in box office salary? check; access to, and strong affinity for, numerous drugs and booze? check; fucked Ashton Kutcher? check... well, please forget that part; low self-esteem and eating disorder? check plus! It's too bad she's dead and we did not get to exchange life philosophies, fluids and dealers.



9) Keira Knightley -- I like her... accent? I have always dug suspenders on naked chicks, and this ad. Plus, I bet Johnny Depp bagged her on the Pirates of the Caribbean movie set and the sex tape will be rated Arrrrrrrrr.... hahaha I kill me.












8) Kate Bosworth -- She played Superman's girlfriend which means she has mentally prepped for the role of being verbally abused and picking up the bar tab for Franchise. Do you know how many squats you have to do, just in case Superman flips you around for doggy? Girl could have died during filming if she didn't have the right mouthguards and workout regimen. 'Nuff said.







7) Kristen Bell -- I will never forget Sarah Marshall. Veronica Mars seems poised to be a big star in the future, but it's time to get naked in a movie or release a sex tape. You're a big girl now, hon, time to make those 12 dollar movie tickets worth it. We'll talk about the 6 dollar popcorn on my casting couch.






6) Mandy Moore (circa 2000) -- You may know her as AquaMan's love interest from Entourage, but when she burst on the music scene in 1999 she was both inappropriately young and inappropriately skinny. I was so into Mandy back in the day, that I Wikipedia'd her bio for this shit. Apparently she was 16 at the height of her good-lookingness. Oooops. Too bad Mandy, maybe Marty Scorcese will see your stellar acting work in 'A Walk to Remember' and cast you in his next epic, just like he worked it out for Big Head Vinnie Chase and the Monsters.







5) Anna Kournikova (circa 2000) -- only non-actress that made the list. Why? Well, I guess I love tennis and hot Eastern European women, and this chick was just a prodigy in both regards. Loss of points for a foot fault, and for dating Enrique Iglesias and the entire NHL in the 1990's.













4) Natalie Portman -- Very hot, seems smart (Harvard), not insane, talented... what the fuck?? Someone get the Britney/Lindsay Talent Management Company on the phone, STAT! I want Portman getting kicked off set, having more bloody noses than Manny Pacquiao, and I WANT HER SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING CINEMAX!! Do I ask for much?? I am posting gross pictures of her so guys stop thinking about, "was she hot in Beautiful Girls?" You guys are sick -- and you know who you are...




3) Blake Lively -- She has been mentioned before in these pages. Just plain hot and young, and dumb as rocks. Recipe for relationship bliss in my book. Multiple pics to make up for the bloody Portman.












2) Jessica Stroup -- This is some chick I have never heard of. Why is she number 2, you ask? Well, she is hot, and she is on the new 90210 which probably means she is under 30, and it's fucking hard to pull together 10 picks for these lists. Franchise gets a few beers in him and he gets tired, frankly. So The Stroup is the word. Embrace it. Discuss the rankings, or who I missed, in the comments section.









1) Rachel Bilson -- This chick was on The O.C. on Fox back in the day. I am not sure how old she is, but she played a high schooler on the homeless man's Beverly Hills 90210. I will admit, I originally liked Mischa Barton (also a skinny / dead candidate), better on the show, but this chick is ferocious. No idea what happened to her. Maybe the nerd from O.C. snapped her up in real life, maybe she is dead too. Regardless, at one point she was inappropriately everything and I hope she re-surfaces as a crank addict in my neighborhood because I just got an E-Z Bake meth lab for Christmas.